Oh yeah...February is do one thing that scares the crap out of you month...

So total randomness today.

It's been a fairly quiet weekend which was nice...as last week was a bit crazy.  But I am loving the added meditation moments in my life...as that has helped settle me a bit when I get too frazzled.

So I have a confession...I am spending way too much time on flickr lately. Good lord, that site just sucks me into a photographic black hole!  And now I picked up a February food challenge...which is to photograph some type of food everyday.  Yikes!  I hope I am not getting in over my head...but it sounded like fun...and I do love food.  So I am taking the torch and running with it...picking up from Steven's January Food Challenge...then I will pass the torch to someone in March (any takers???).  Let me tell you...I got some seriously big shoes to fill...because his photography is friggin AMAZING (check out Steven's stream here)!  And be sure to turn off your cell phone and grab a cup of coffee or tea...cuz you'll be there for awhile!

~Anyway~

This got me thinking about this month full of sugar coated love....

Do you have any challenges on the horizon?  

Can you think of one thing you really want to do or accomplish...just one thing!

How about making Feburary the month that you do one thing that scares the crap out of you?

You have 28 days...

Who's with me?

**Ohhhh to all my photog friends have you discovered Develop on Fridays?  Holy cow....check this out!

Take a peek...I am blooming 365 days in 2010

Sunday Morning

Don't chase the stick!!!

 This was my fortune last night...how awesome is that!  Finally, one I can actually use!

I just read one of the greatest things ever. Seriously! I am not sure how I came about this blog but I am so glad I did!  I love the name too, Anxiety Slayer.  Cool.

Now you have to go and read this post.

So the quick and dirty is this...

Our negative thoughts (worry, fear, etc) are like sticks....and we are the dog.  We have a choice.  We can chase the stick, obsess over it, gnaw on it for hours and days (even years)...OR... we can just let the damn stick fall and leave it alone.

Hello??? I so love this analogy.

So I played the "stick game" today.  I had some thoughts creep in that were pretty crappy.  So instead of chasing the thoughts and obsessing over them...I let them go.  I noticed them there, oh yes...but I said (in my mind) "I am not chasing you today.  Nope, you're just a thought...and not a very nice one...so I think I will just let you lay there and be quiet. "

And you know what happened?   Since I didn't chase the thought...it stayed quiet.  Like a good little stick.

How cool is that!? 

I think I love this game.  And I assure you, I will play it again!

Oh...do give it a try...


Take a peek...I am blooming 365 days in 2010

Simple things

Here are the simple things I am enjoying lately:

• Pandora radio (James Taylor station)
• Starbucks instant coffee...seriously!
• The sound of a quiet house
• Taking mini breaks throughout my day to stop and breathe
• Looking at photos on flickr...oodles of inspiration there!
• Reading short stories and poems
• Numi aged Earl of Gray tea
• Thick comfy socks that keep my toes toasty
• Rich dark chocolate melting in my mouth
• Crossing things off my to do list
• Feeling all warm and snug under my covers
• Daydreaming on a rainy day
• Feeding my soul with inspiration
• Being 40 and finally becoming fierce
• Learning to let go
• Saying no
• Taking more risks
• Freaking out less
• That satisfying feeling right after sneezing (yah...I just sneezed!)
• Vanilla peppermint body scrub...gets off all the dry skin and makes you smell yummy!
• Lavender scented eye pillows
• Discovering something new
• An Indian buffet on a cold gloomy day...all that rich spicy food making you warm inside!
• Laughing so hard that tears roll down your face
• Moments of pure uninterrupted peace and quiet

Ohhhh....that was so enjoyable!

Thank you Christina.

One love ;)

Take a peek...I am blooming 365 days in 2010

I got nothin'

I feel like I have been on such an intense path of growth and all of a sudden...it's become very quiet. I Don't mind...but I feel like the wind has been let out of my sails and now I am just coasting along.

And I feel like I got nothing to offer you at the moment.

But maybe this nothing is something. It's a part of life.

The quiet after the storm.

Time to sit back and pause.

Reflect.

Practice non-doing.

And the rain is back...so what better time to do that?

So here are some quiet photos to enjoy...

 

Looking forward to the simple things tomorrow with Christina.  Ahhhh that will be nice.


Take a peek...I am blooming 365 days in 2010

Dog tired!

Whew...what a weekend! All good...but I am tired. Too many projects...good lord I was sewing and hemming curtains for hours!! I got a sewing machine last year and had to teach myself how to wind the bobbin and load and and and....good lord...not as easy as it looks! How do people actually make cute things with a sewing machine...I can barely make a straight hem!

Oh I got my hair cut too...love a new style.

So I need to catch up with you all...it feels like ages!

Oh...found a great new TV show on TNT...Men of a certain age.  OMG!!!  Must see...I am telling you...friggin hilarious and real.  I think I might fall in love with TV again.

How was your weekend?  Do anything fun?  Do tell!




Take a peek...I am blooming 365 days in 2010

In case you were curious...

I was thinking about "things." What makes me tick...fills me with joy. I thought it might be fun to share with you...you know, in case you were curious...

And I just thought it would be a fun exercise for me to do...as I haven't really sat down and thought of things like this for awhile...

So...what makes me "tick?"

• The wind...I love it...from soft breezes to gusty whipping bursts.  The wind clears the cobwebs out of my brain.  
• Lip gloss...but not lip stick.  I love the brand softlips...it's like silk.
• Putting on headphones and listening to great music...tuning out the world and getting completely lost in a song.
• A foreign accent...*swoon*
• Cologne...but just a touch...where you can't really smell it until you get really really close...and then it's  subtle and sexy.  And I still love Kouros...and Obsession for men.  God...I am such an 80's girl!
  
• A book so good that you can't put it down...gosh it's been awhile...any suggestions?
• Trader Joe's multigrain tortilla chips dipped in hummus (this is a new obsession for me...omg...so good!).
  
• Going to bed with just washed sheets...still smelling of fabric softener.
• Talking on the phone with my oldest friends.
• The way a close friend touches your arm when you are talking or laughing.
• Reading a poem or a quote so profound it "goes straight to your heart" and stays with you.
  
• The way a photograph can completely transport you someplace else.
• Daydreaming of traipsing around Europe...eating delicious food, people watching and getting lost in the beauty and art.
• Sleeping in and staying up late...and being the only one awake when everyone is sleeping and the house is quiet and still.
• The way fresh cotton candy melts on my tongue...ohhhh and the color!  Heaven...
• Taking a few moments each day to breathe...I mean just stop what I am doing, close my eyes and breathe. Deeply. Simply, connecting to my soul through my breath and awareness.
  

So that's a short list...but what a fun exercise!  Ahhhhh...

So what about you?  I would love to hear what makes you tick.

Take a peek...I am blooming 365 days in 2010

My moody side*

1. Untitled, 2. sleep all day, 3. A blue mystery, 4. dark beauty, 5. Making peace with risk......, 6. Alone In The Fog, 7. late night laundry..., 8. Follow me., 9. strands

   

To celebrate my moody side today I am sharing this beautiful mosaic I created on flickr.

OK...this might sound a bit strange...but I kinda like being moody.  Not crabby moody...but deeply moody.  You know, that introspective kind of moodiness.  Does that make sense?

Now, don't get me wrong...I love the light...happiness...joy...all that good stuff!  But sometimes, I really enjoy going in deep and feeling emotion.  Not in a torturous way...but in that "Lost in Translation" movie kind of way.  You have seen that movie, right?  Oh gosh...it's one of my all time favorites!

Anyway...

I think to really know yourself...you have to go to those places that make you think, explore, dig deep, question, sigh.  Maybe even feel a little uncomfortable the deeper you go...but keep digging, because that is good! Our souls are so complex and layered.  And it's a beautiful journey to take now and then.

It's been raining everyday since Sunday...but I have enjoyed that...as it has given me the opportunity to go  inward for awhile.

I also did a self portrait that you can see here.


Happy Moody Thursday ;)


*not to be confused with PMS...



Take a peek...I am blooming 365 days in 2010

Deeply

I see me...and the wind

So I have been taking a lot of self portraits lately...like a lot!  Why?  Because I need to see myself.  It's totally different than looking into the mirror.  And it's different than having someone else take my photo.  I can't really explain why...but it's helping me somehow.  It's healing. Empowering. And it's bringing me peace.  For a long time I did not like looking at myself.  I just didn't like what I saw.  And I only saw all the negative things.

But now my focus has changed.  Now I see my strength...insight...wisdom.  A woman within that is working really hard to love herself...despite her flaws.

Because our flaws are really character traits in disguise.  Don't you think?

I guess it all depends on our perspective.

And thankfully, my perception is changing.

If you ever get a chance I challenge you to take some self portraits.  Not just head shots...maybe your neck and jaw...or even your hands.  A part of you.  It does not have to be perfect or even in focus!

What do you think?  Wanna give it a try?

You might just like what you see.

Oh yeah...this song *sigh*  Brilliant.  Beautiful.  I don't care that he changed his name.  They just don't make music like this anymore...oh lord, did I actually say that (big eye roll)!






Take a peek...I am blooming 365 days in 2010

waiting

Monday thoughts

Listening to James Taylor, drinking Earl Grey and watching the rain.  Nice.

Last week was full of ups and downs...but growth on a major scale.
I can't even put it into words. But whoa...transformative to say the least.

And so a newish me has emerged. And I am happy to finally meet me again...it's been awhile...

Interestingly, I watched Revolutionary Road last night...whew...that was something!  Have you seen that movie?  I don't want to be a spoiler...so I won't go into much detail.  But I could feel her pain.  I could understand her longing to be that free person of her youth.  I think I was becoming like that. Sort of.  When we are young...we are so open and free.  We dream so big.  Then the real world comes along and sometimes, some of us, put those dreams away in a box...hoping that "one day"... 

So now, I am realizing that to be happy...and I mean truly happy...I have to be honest with myself.  I have to open up that box of dreams.  I have to find those things that make me happy...even if it scares the crap out of me!  Because if I don't, I will wither away...or always wonder...or worse...regret.

So that is what I am doing...opening my box of dreams and reaching in.  The dreams have changed a bit, but I still have them.  And more importantly I am expressing myself.  Letting my creative expression out to explore.  And not fearing what people think or say.  Because, it's not really about anyone...it's just me...breaking free.

And...I refuse to sit quietly bottling up my dreams and withering away...

Take a peek...I am blooming 365 days in 2010

Devotion

Life lines

How can I thank you all enough for your encouragement this past week?  I am so very grateful.  It's been quite a journey. A journey in strength, courage, control and trust.  As I shed old habits and grow, there is much "funkiness" that is going along with that.  I am a funky flower...lol.

Anyway...

I woke up early this morning.  My little one urging me to get out of bed..."Mommy look! Look! Look! The bathroom is glowing!"  What?  So I open my eyes and sure enough the light in the bathroom is glowing (well actually, it was the sunrise coming through the window...making the room glow.  So I jumped (really, I did!) out of bed and grabbed my camera.  I went upstairs and my mouth just gaped open.  Beautiful!

I snapped a bunch of photos...but this is my favorite.  I love the birds off in the distance and the silhouettes.  The world just waking up.  Kind of how I feel...like I am waking up inside.  Then I noticed all the electricity lines...which I usually would not like in the photo...but not today.  Today they represent my "life lines."  All that good energy from folks that are walking beside me on my journey.  I am blessed.




Take a peek...I am blooming 365 days in 2010

Until today

"Well, I've always done it this way...then I respond, Until today!"

This is a quote from Iyanla Vanzant, a contributor in Jan Lundy's book: Your Truest Self.  When I read this I almost fell out of my chair.  Iyanla did not have an easy life...far from it.  She overcame deep emotional adversity with this simple 2 word mantra.

Until Today

Iyanla says: "Until today is the mantra we can use when negativity or powerlessness rules our thinking; when life throws us curves and we begin  to lose sight of the shores of our own glory or when the going gets tough.  "Until today" means we no longer have to be who we have been."

Now, I don't want to change everything about myself..heck no!  But there are a few things I do desperately want to change.  I found the above passage to be so powerful.  I think that for so long I have been my own worst enemy.  Letting old negative habits and thoughts stay.  Not really knowing how to let them go.  Easily reverting back into my cycles.

Since I began the 28 day meditation challenge something inside just "clicked."  Maybe it's because for the first time in a long time I am making space for myself.  Sitting and listening.  Seeking my truth.  Taking time out.

I won't lie...I am sure that the old habits will creep back...but I am going to work like hell not to let them in.  Heck, if I could quit a pack a day smoking habit (yeah...I know!),  I should be able to stick to my guns on this.  It's a choice...and I have to be very present...there is no sleeping on the job!

I am learning.  I am learning ways to break the patterns.  I am re-programming.

And today I had my first challenge...I had to wrestle a demon...but I won!  Halle-fricken-lujah!

So think about those 2 words...until today...

How might you use them in your life?




Take a peek...I am blooming 365 days in 2010

Even when blooming there are thunderstorms...

Oh yes...big thunderstorms yesterday.  And now all is quiet.  The calm after the storm.
The thunder and lightning gone.
And the sun has risen.
I can breathe again.


BUT...

It will rain again..but hopefully not as hard.

AND...

I have learned something BIG out of this...really really big.

That when you grow, cycles change.  You change.  And not everyone is ready for you to change.  But don't let that stop you.  Sometimes change is really scary...because it's all new.  But that is part of the growth.

AND...

When you change and grow you HAVE to let go of old negative patterns.  They feel like old friends...that's their trick.  Those "patterns" don't want to go away...they want to stay.  They are so desperate to stay with you.  They will hold on for dear life...

BUT...

You have got to fight with all your will to let them go...it won't be easy.

BUT...

It will be better.  So much better...




Take a peek...I am blooming 365 days in 2010

Finding forgiveness

Whew...what a night...

My oldest child is going through "something" and I don't like it.  She is changing...unable to handle new emotions.  It's throwing my world into a tizzy.  And it's breaking my heart.  To see her so upset...her not knowing that what is causing so much stress is really not that big of a deal (but it seems like the world is ending).

This is why being a Mom is so hard.  Hearing the awful words said.  Hearing her call herself stupid.  Saying that life is so hard (oh gosh...it's not even the tip of the iceberg!).  Watching her go through "this yuckiness."

Even harder to remain calm in the midst of the screaming and crying.  Saying "I love you" when the anger rises.  Remaining calm.  Oh that's the hardest!

Oh my sadness is deep today.

All I can do is pray and try.

Pray and try.

Then let it go...

find the light...

and hold on.





Take a peek...I am blooming 365 days in 2010

Mind wash

Oh do I have something wonderful to share today...this amazing blog called Short Zen Poems.

You have to go and check it out. Such good stuff.  Here is a fovorite of mine:

Mind Wash

if I can manage

to dream of

what is already

happening,

I will never

be disappointed

Yeah...ponder that today...whew...

P.S. Thank you again for all the beautiful comments you left on my last post.  xoxo

Take a peek...I am blooming 365 days in 2010

Get uncomfortable...and break through

Self portrait...titled "Finding my way"

I am a bit uncomfortable here...but in that good way. Pushing myself creatively and breaking my rules...just a bit. I took this photo yesterday and I was scared to post this. I am not sure why...maybe revealing too much of myself.  I know...it's not really all that revealing...but it is to me.

But I decided to post it anyway.

I wanted to push myself.

To grow.

Bloom.

I posted this on my flickr site and was overwhelmed with the comments I received...letting me know that I was on the right track.  I guess I needed that validation (hey...we all need validation from time to time).

And this just made me think...really really think.

And, I am searching to find myself.  It's scary and exhilarating at the same time. But I do feel that I am evolving.

And tackling my fears.

Breaking through.

Yeah...I think I am beginning to get it...

I titled this photo..."Finding My Way."

And that is just what I am doing.

So think about your self imposed boundaries...how can you begin to break through?



Take a peek...I am blooming 365 days in 2010

It's a mad world

I came across this video today looking for the original song by Tears for Fears. This video totally mesmerized me. And actually calmed me down.

Oh do watch it...pretty please...it's so cool.

My Morning was CRA-ZEE! Oy! The noise level...and the whining...and the freaking out about not finding the right jeans...and complaining about too much homework and piano lessons....

Anyway...I felt as if I were going a bit mad.

But the kids have left the building and Mommy is all better (at least for the moment).

I did take a self portait in the midst of the chaos...yep...this sums it all up.

But that's OK...it's life...and life isn't always quiet and peaceful.

Sometimes life is really really loud.

And sometimes you feel mad.

So, you just have to roll with it...then let it go.  That's important...letting it all go...

And then getting back to your peaceful place.

That reminds me...might be a good time to meditate :)

Have a beautiful day!


Take a peek...I am blooming 365 days in 2010

Hold on loosley...

but don't let go...

I will be the first to admit...I am stubborn.  And I tend to want to hold on too tightly.  I forget about the beauty of letting go...practicing detachment. 

Letting go...but still holding on...kind of.

It's not easy.

But it's extremely freeing.

I am on day 3 of Jan's (at Awake is Good) meditation challenge (it's 28 days).  There is still time to join...you should...it's pretty cool.

Oh gosh is it good for me.  As I am rediscovering the art of detachment.

Of letting go and letting God.

Holding on to something...but lightly.  Not squeezing it to death...but not giving up either.

Does that make sense?

Are you holding on too tightly...are your knuckles gripping on for dear life? 

How about loosing up a bit? 

Would it be so bad?

Oh...and don't you just love this song?




Take a peek...I am blooming 365 days in 2010

Good Morning

I do it all for you

My heart...so big...bursting...overflowing...pouring.

For you.

None of which you take.

Leave me standing in the cold.

Wondering...why?

I do it all for you.

Yet, you never see any of it.

You are so unaware.

You have no idea how much you are wanted.

Loved.

Desired.

Yet, I still do it all for you.

I would give you my heart.

And you don't even know me.

I take this pain.

Over and over again.

Yet, I am not afraid.

Such a silly girl I am.

Wishing upon the stars.

For you to just notice me.

Once...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was totally inspired to write this poem when I came across this amazing photo. Cat is such a soulful photographer. Her work is deep and always moving. Please do yourself a HUGE favor and check out her photostream, My Imaginary World (especially her set titled "me"). You'll get lost...in that beautiful way you need to get lost...so you can find yourself.

So how about that little detour today?

Yowza!

Take a peek...I am blooming 365 days in 2010

Life should be like small plates of good food...

I can't believe that the only photo I got was of this business card...but that's what happens when you leave your camera at home!

Last night Mr. Virgo and I went out for a very nice (and well deserved on my part) dinner. Dinner does not seem to be the proper term to use...more like "beautiful dining experience." We went to Gordon Ramsay at The London Hotel.

Big *swoon*

And I can't believe I forgot my camera...because the food was beautiful!

Anyway...

As I sat there it occurred to me that my life should be like these small plates of goodness. Each dish was filled with delicious bites of food...creative...tasty...sometimes complicated. But never too much. Never so overpowering you could not enjoy what you are tasting. Simple...yet refined.  Exceptional.

I savored this meal.

I enjoyed every bite.

And I was 100% present.

When I think about my life, I realize that I tend to take a plate and pile a bunch of crap on it (like the Hometown Buffet). Then everything gets all mushed together and it gets messy. It becomes too much. And then I am looking at a plate full of stuff that I just don't want to eat anymore.  And then I become totally unfocused and I can't be present.

Does this make any sense at all?

So I think I want to have more small plates in my life. Things that are rich and meaningful.  Delicious. Unique. Different. Simple. Divine.

No more piling on stuff that has little meaning. 

Ahhhh...doesn't that sound nice?  


Take a peek...I am blooming 365 days in 2010

Lemons, blueberries and green stuff...oh my!

I believe that we are all like 3 legged stools.  Each leg representing: mind, body & spirit.  And when we become unbalanced in one of those areas, the stool begins to wobble. I do a good job at keeping my spiritual self healthy...but my mind (especially my ego) can get the best of me.  I eat pretty good...but can do much better.  Last month I began to watch what I ate.  Really trying to eat less processed foods.  No...not dieting...just making better choices.  I started drinking this green detox "stuff" with my meals...and I can't tell you how much better I began to feel (and it tastes pretty good too).

I think that when you fill your body with junk...your mind and spirit begins to feel "junky" too.  Don't you agree?

So on New Year's Eve (for the first time in over 20 years) I did not drink.  I woke up feeling wonderful.  Today I drank lemon water, ate fresh blueberries and drank my green "stuff."  Oh yeah...I had some gummy bears too...lol (I can't be totally perfect!). And I can't promise that I won't eat crap...because I will (but not as much).

So to really "bloom" this year I will (try):

• make good food choices
• laugh more
• meditate
• make more time to create & play
• have more quiet time
  
• explore
• pray
• be more calm
• be kind to myself
• make peace with my body
  

Will this be easy...no.  And I don't expect it to be either.

But I really want to keep my stool from toppling over.

Just another bowl in the wall